I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
