I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
