sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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