I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
