Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
