R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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