Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
