the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
