are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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