I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
