I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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