Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh god it's open bar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
