I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
