Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
