she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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