Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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