Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
