Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize