Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
