I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So squirting runs in the family.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
