Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
