Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
