id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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