I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
