You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
