Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
barbara walters just said penis...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
