He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cannot find my penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
