He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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