On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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