I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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