What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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