your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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