Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
