so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My hand turned me down
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
