the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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