do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
