Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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