I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
