Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
