Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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