I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
