if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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