Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
