I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
