After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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