I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
