Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
