I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
