It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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