If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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