After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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