I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
