can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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