Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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