I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
