dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
