you would pick up someone in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
