I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
