I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
