you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
