From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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