So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize