Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i dont even know how to be here
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
