clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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