My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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