Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
