great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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