yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
