her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
