I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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