"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
