Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sext me about skeletons
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
