That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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