but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
