mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
