We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
