the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
